I’ve Only Read Two Parenting Books…this One is the Best

Reviewing Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff by J. Tayler Smith

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My Own Daughter

My own daughter can be a handful, but she is lots of fun. When she was three, she enjoyed testing her limits by seeing how many stairs she could jump down - her record was four, maybe even five once. We had a friend of hers over for the playdate recently, and the two of them spent half the time running throughout our home jumping, dancing, and tossing dozens of cotton balls everywhere. When we take her on hikes, she literally runs the whole time because it is more exciting than walking (then I inevitably have to carry her back when her legs are too tired). She is an energetic extroverted ball of life - in contrast to my introverted nature.

My wife and I think we do a decent job parenting, but my wife still insisted I read this book. She read it first before our daughter was born (or sometime shortly thereafter).  While parenting never felt like much of a struggle for me, my wife saw me having some challenging moments with our daughter and kindly insisted that I also read this book. Over, and over, and over she insisted. Finally, I did so; with no regrets!

From Disease Outbreaks to Parenting

Hunt, Gather, Parent is written by Michaeleen Doucleff, PhD. She is a global health correspondent for the Science Desk of the National Public Radio (NPR) where she reports about disease outbreaks and children’s health. In 2015, Doucleff was part of the team that earned a George Foster Peabody award for its coverage of the Ebola outbreak in West Africa.. While she is not necessarily a foremost expert in parenting, she does know how to do research and applies those skills to this topic.

The occasion for this book was Doucleff’s struggle in raising her own energetic three-year-old daughter. After hearing about the amazing children raised by three distinct first nations communities around the globe, Doucleff took her daughter to these locations so they could both learn the ins-and-outs of raising children. After living with families from these cultures, Doucleff learned their parenting styles, why they worked, and practised them herself with successful results. The book consists of what she learned about these legendary parenting techniques and the amazing kids that were raised by these three distinct cultures that continue to carry on their parenting traditions from over the past 1,000 years.

A Positive Change in Parenting Styles

The book is a culmination of what Doucleff learned in her journeys. It is organised by the three communities from which Doucleff embraced these parenting techniques: Maya, Inuit, and Hadzabe cultures that are time tested and effective at raising well developed and adapted children in a way that doesn’t exhaust the parents. The core concept of the book is to take these successful ancient principles and apply them to our contemporary setting. 

A foundational principle that underpins the rest is the importance of community - which these three cultures completely embrace. There are not just one or two parents, the entire village parents, giving the parents much needed rest and energy.

The book calls into question the Western North American parenting styles, including being over-protective,  too loose and free, doling out endless praise, harsh discipline, or trying to fit kids into strict schedules, and doing it all on our own. However, Doucleff notes the desires of North American parents for their kids and pairs those desires with the results from these three cultures. From the Maya, the book goes over the art of raising helpful children who are attentive to the needs of their household and those around them. From the Inuit, Doucleff highlights raising emotionally mature and regulated children who are acutely aware of their environments. From the Hadzabe, she discusses raising children who are independent, confident, and able to decide and think for themselves in a way that contributes to the world around them. Taken together, Doucleff produces a changed perspective that asks parents to reconsider what they do, why they do it, and whether their well meaning intentions will produce the results they desire. 

A Recommended Read

he book promotes time tested parenting techniques and teached the logic and reasoning behind them - it provides simple truths to parent by. Time-tested is the right terminology. As Doucleff shows, the techniques of these cultures have produced noticeable results studied by psychologists and anthropologists for decades. These aren’t philosophical or religious techniques, but principles that are applicable across all cultures. 

The book discourages behaviour that is ultimately harmful for both children and parents and encourages more thoughtful parenting. Whether we intend it or not, many of our actions can have unintentional consequences. Yelling, spanking, and other forms of like-discipline merely teach children that the answer to difficult people is brute force (which in turn, they mimic toward their parents and others). Doucleff strongly emphasises the need to model what we want to see in our children, and to teach them how to be good-natured adults - things that don’t come naturally to children. She assumes that children begin life with poor emotional maturity and insight - that they intentionally and unintentionally make mistakes as they learn their boundaries and what they’re capable of. Children need keen and acute guidance, may be said as a summary of the book. To this end, the book honours not only the dignity and worth of the cultures from which Doucleff learns these techniques and styles, but also emphasizes the dignity and worth of children and their parents. 

Doucleff paints clear and vivid pictures of these techniques in action. She discusses her experiences with the parents and children of the families she and her daughter stayed with, and explains why certain responses worked the way they did. Throughout the opening chapters, Doucleff recounts the moment among the Mayan family where she observed all the children getting ready for school with very little coercion from their mother. They helped their parents with any chores they saw without being asked, and helped each other get ready for the day ahead - all without the need of threats or discipline. These children helped because they enjoyed contributing and they understood the value of giving such help to each other. 

The book is excellent and very pertinent to today’s parents - especially those of us in North America. I can say for myself that I already find my daughter far more helpful and kind than she was before I put these techniques into practice. While she is still a ball of endless energy, she is one that contributes more to the well-being of our household - always wanting to help my wife and I with whatever tasks are at hand and enjoying our time together.  I recommend this book to all families, especially those with younger children.

For these reasons, I give this book nine out of nine stars.

References

Doucleff, Michaeleen. 2021. Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. Hardcover Edition ed. New York, New York: Avid Readers Press.

Michaeleen Doucleff. 2024. “About.” Michaeleen Doucleff. https://michaeleendoucleff.com/about-michaeleen-doucleff/.